Candy canes
by demonrubberducky
Summary: DeiTobi Deidara tries to teach Tobi the right way to eat a candy cane. A short holiday fic.


Candy Cane

AN: I don't own Naruto. I just sometimes write short, festive stories slashing its characters. Hope you all enjoy.

Deidara swiped his tongue from the curve of the candy cane all the way to the tip. He turned the treat a quarter turn and took another even lick. He held the minty stick up for inspection before finally sliding it into his mouth and sucking. Candy cane eating was an art which Deidara had perfected over the last few days.

Kakuzu was too cheap to buy real Christmas candy or decorations, but after listening to Tobi's whining for two solid months (from the end of Halloween to the beginning of December), even the spendthrift had been willing to buy a few boxes of cheap candy canes to shut the masked man up.

Beside Deidara, Tobi crunched up another striped peppermint stick. The brunet chewed the crook and began unwrapping a second. Deidara snorted.

"What, Deidara-sempai? Do you want another?" the now-unmasked man asked.

Deidara shook his head. "Then what's the problem? It's not my fault that you eat too slow," Tobi complained.

Deidara slid the cane out of his mouth carefully and gave the tip another lick. "You're doing it wrong, un," he chastised.

"Am not!"

Deidara ignored Tobi and continued giving his candy cane slow, even licks up its length. The red stripes were starting to disappear, and the pure white beneath showed through.

"How am I supposed to do it, then?" Tobi challenged.

Deidara gave his treat another long suck, then held it up for Tobi's inspection. "You have to be patient, and you never bite, un," he explained. "You have to lick it evenly, or else it gets lopsided." He twisted the candy cane around in his mouth and savored the mint flavor. When enough of the sugar had dissolved, he pulled it out. "See, now it's a point. A true artist can make it so sharp it can be used as a weapon, un." He gave Tobi's pale cheek an experimental poke with the peppermint stick to show his partner how sharp the end had become.

Tobi rubbed the peppermint spit off of his cheek sulkily. "That's stupid, sempai. Why would anyone spend that long just to eat a piece of candy?"

"Not my fault you can't appreciate art, un," Deidara pointed out.

…………………………………………………………………

The wreaths Deidara's fellow Akatsuki members had made were atrocious. Hidan's was a huge symbol of Jashin, complete with holly-berry offerings stained with real blood. Itachi's wreath was completely asymmetric- he really must be going blind, Deidara thought. Kakuzu's was cheap, of course, and Kisame's looked like he must have cut the pine branches with his huge-ass sword. Konan's wreath wasn't bad, but it was made entirely of folded paper, and because it hung on her door, right beside Pein's, it was soggy and falling apart.

"Sempai, sempai, look what I did!"

Tobi's wreath looked like it had been made by a five-year old on speed. Deidara decided that he'd be doing everyone a favor by blowing them up. He had even tweaked his exploding figurines to look like reindeer, and the explosions to flash green and red. How much more festive could you get?

"Sempai, _look_! Look at me!"

"Shut up, Tobi, I'm busy, un!" Deidara snapped. He didn't look up from the wreaths he was critiquing.

Should he wait for the others to get back before he blew them up, so they could appreciate the holiday destruction, or should he do it now and avoid some of their wrath?

"Sempai!" Tobi whined. He waved something in Deidara's face. "Look! I'm an artist too!"

Deidara looked at him. His lips were red and sticky and turned up in a grin, and his eyes were twinkling. He held a half-eaten candy cane in the air. It was completely white except for the hook, and the point was needle-thin. It looked pretty even all the way down.

"Did I do good, sempai? Am I a good boy?" the man asked eagerly.

Deidara mentally smirked as he pointed to a spot on the tip. "Little more right there, un," he advised.

Tobi attacked the candy with his tongue carelessly, just as Deidara knew he would. The taller man howled in pain as the wickedly sharp tip snapped and pieced his tongue.

"Oooowwww!"

"You're such a moron, un," Deidara sniggered.

"Oooww! 'em-pai, 'at 'urt!"

"It's your own fault, Tobi," he told the wanna-be artist. Really, hadn't the masked man learned not to trust a member of Akatsuki by now?

Tobi glared at him, tongue still hanging from his mouth.

"'ith it an' 'ake it 'ettah!" he demanded, pointing at the wounded appendage.

"Huh?" Deidara asked. What the hell did Tobi want now?

"Ah _'ahd_ ''ith it'!" Tobi repeated.

Deidara shrugged at him and started to walk away. He didn't need to listen to Tobi's incoherent rambling.

Tobi grabbed Deidara's wrist (the artist winced as he felt how sticky Tobi's fingers were) and whirled him back around. He seized Deidara's collar and pulled him up into a messy kiss that tasted like blood and peppermint. After a moment of shock, Deidara shoved his partner away.

"'uch 'ettah," Tobi proclaimed. He smiled at him and walked away.

Deidara stood there, staring at the wreaths, tasting the minty aftertaste of the kiss, wondering if Christmas was always this strange, or if it was just an Akatsuki thing.


End file.
